I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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