They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
