I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
