I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it glows. i had to have it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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