so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
