so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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