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Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
