I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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