I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
