i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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