She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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