I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
