Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
