walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
