I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
