Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
