Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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