Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
