i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
