absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
