he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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