I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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