I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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