I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
