That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
