so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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