4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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