i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
