how can u be prego again
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
