You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My penis needs a shock collar
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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