can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
