just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
