I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
