I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
