he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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