I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
