i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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