Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
