thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
