Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
