I hate your face
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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