tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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