he puts the penis in happiness.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
