My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
