The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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