I love black thongs
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
