they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
