Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
