I want to have your abortion
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
