Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I need a beard to bite.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
