Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
