Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
