I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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