woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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