vagina is talking i cant
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
