Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize