note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
