Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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