he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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