You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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