i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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