was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
