she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
