And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
