Only a mothe r could love this liver
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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